You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
