i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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