So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
