But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
