How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't turn off my feet"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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