Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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