im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
