umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
