You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
