I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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