Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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