I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
