she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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