4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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