Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
