we made out on top of his cat.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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