Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
