hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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