I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
