do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
