He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
