I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
