u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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