Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
