are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
