it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
