So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
