the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
love makes seman taste better
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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