I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
