u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I currently don't understand fingers.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
