i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
