My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
two words...techno handjob
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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