I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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