Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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