i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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