I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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