every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
