U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
