WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
