Betty ford says i'm here all night
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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