just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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