I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
