I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i barfeds in our rink
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
