so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
