just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
