My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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