That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
