Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
