This is not my ceiling
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
