i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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