you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
